He's Just Not That Into Me

So you'd think being self-employed would come with all kinds of freedom, and generally it does. Today, however, I'm imprisoned in my own home while I wait for a source to call me, which he promised he would "in the next day or so." I took my lunch break at noon Central Standard Time so we'd be on the same schedule, and I'd like to take a shower and walk the dog but I really don't want to miss this call. This is a bit like dating, no?

The Education Conundrum

Yesterday was a big day for me. I defended my thesis and endured a two-hour long grilling from my committee. (My committee asked me to not refer to it as a "grilling," but well, if it walks like a duck...) The experience was painful and deflating, and my thesis will unfortunately live to fight another day as I was only granted a conditional pass.

So today, as I am once again revising my thesis, I have to ask myself -- was it worth it? People are always saying that education is such a lofty pursuit, but in my case, it was a poor decision. I gave up a good job (not in the sense that I liked it, but they paid well for the little that was required of me), accrued more debt than I care to think about, and sold a horse I loved because I couldn't afford to keep her. I thought all the sacrifices would be worth it when I got to the end and had the credentials to work in a field that would allow me to make a difference. But now, it's quite a pickle I find myself in. I was told I couldn't break into this field without a Master's degree, but it turns out what I really needed was a Bachelor's degree in a different field. After several job interviews (and many rejected resumes), it has become painfully clear that employers applaud my education and gumption but do not think either make up for picking the wrong Bachelor's degree. Instead of finishing my degree and walking into a new job or a promotion, I get a pat on the head from people who say they're proud of me. I guess I'm proud of me too because I know having a Master's degree is a big deal. And though I'm usually not one for regret, I'd give just about anything for a mulligan on this one.

I know it's not too late. I could go back and get that elusive Bachelor's degree and perhaps right all the wrongs of my squandered educational career. But by the time I completed it, I would be competing for entry-level jobs with people who are 10 years younger than me. I don't usually think of myself as old, but I think I am too old to start completely over. Besides, at least there's still a demand for people in my original field, so I'm going to give freelancing a go. I hate the idea of working just for money, but...